By Charles F. Harper M. Div: Our culture does not like depression. We see depression as an enemy to be fought and conquered like a really bad headache. We’ve spent billions on research for medications to beat the battle of despair. There are many of us who have been so blessed in this life with everything from loving families to financial security to futures that look so bright “you gotta wear shades”, and we feel ashamed that Dr. Gloom has made his way into our house of being. (See footnote #1) I for one believe depression should be invited out for a cup of Joe and conversation. In fact, depression far from a disability is a necessary a growing pain of personal transformation.

Before Depression: Creative Will

Before meeting depression, we may well have had the experience of being immersed in conversation with what I call “Creative Will. ” Creative Will is not to be confused with enforced or forced self-will.

Self will are those times when we just make up our minds we’re going to do something and force it to happen through whatever financial, intellectual and physical resources we can dredge up from our inner and outer energy pool. For example, when I have writers block, I force myself to sit at my keyboard and pound away at a due date. While doing so I may semi-consciously count the words, pages and time as it creaks by. It’s not a bad discipline. I might even due a descent job. But the process feels laborious and there can be tell tale signs of prose as rusty as the tin man in a tsunami. See what I mean? ☺

Anyways, Creative Will is different. And it appears to us in different ways. It is an organic partnering of your intellect, talents, skills, imagination and most predominantly that wonderful thing called spirit. For me the spirit has to do with energy, the animating life force that drives us to do what we do. The spirit is associated with the wind, either a gentle breeze or a powerful gale. So when I feel the spirit of Creative Will, my keyboard feels like putting on pair of my favorite walking shoes. I might start with a stuttering step. The stutter doesn’t last long and then my fingers are taken over by something quite other. Words lay themselves on paper. Time is not on present. A moment in time turns out to be three or four hours later. The only reason I stop is because my herniated disc begins to yowl.

Now while Creative Will is a natural flow of your creative talents and skills it is not necessarily manifestly productive in a material sense. Artists know this well. Most artists I know, including myself, tell me that 70% of their creative work is done outside of their studio. That is their inspiration and ideas come in the silence of a walk or while their planting a flower or simply during a mid night awakening when their minds have been unconsciously processing, filtering, organizing the bits and pieces of epiphanies they may have encountered anywhere from a county fair to a mid-afternoon nap.

Creative Will can be a moment of time when all seems right with the world: serenity like a butterfly settles on your shoulder as you stare into a campfire. It could be sitting on a bench inhaling the air to speak while watching children play with glee on a playground beneath a robust sun. Or simply a moment when a feeling of well-being touches the center of your belly.

It can be also be materially productive: those hours in the garden or studio or curled with a good book or even in an office with a layer of spreadsheets when time and even place does not exist because you’re in a universe that’s big enough for your soul.

Creative Will can be social. You might even remember waking up to a sunrise, and feeling not just saying but really feeling: “ Oh yea! It’s a good day to be alive. I’m going to give it a big bear hug. “ And indeed everything you cross that day is a blessing and you seem like a blessing to everything that crosses your path. You go to meetings and you can sit and listen and when you feel moved you add your two cents like gold doubloons. You feel like you could perform miracles. If people ignore you or don’t accept you or don’t even seem to like you, it makes no difference, you know it’s not you. Your biggest battle is the excitement you feel about what may come next. Sleep sweeps over you like a tropical breeze and you cradle-rock in the image of the day and you don’t even need to pray gratitude because you are gratitude. The uncertainties you know are going to unravel mysteries in the most exciting and unexpected ways. Yesterday is a smile of a memory. Today was a sun kiss, and tomorrow is a day of birds in flight and you’re one of them.

Introducing Depression

Creative Will exists in all of us. And I believe in all of us there is a possibility for depression. Depression can overshadow our Creative Will or indeed it can suck the oxygen out of our Creative Will. Now while there are many levels of depression. There are two extremes.

At one end there is depression that is life threatening. It is the kind of depression that pushes down on your shoulders buckling knees. Squeezes your head smothering synapses of energy. When it visits, rather then shoving it out the door with whatever might make flight, you surrender to hiding beneath crumpled bed sheets. The crack of dawn is welcomed with an, “ Oh shit!” as you try throwing your legs off the bed plant determined feet on the ground looking for some light in the crack to lift you up from under your arms and to the bathroom. It chases like a nightmare: you remember when you could take flight in your dream world and now when he chases you’re grounded from flight status to a march through sucking mud. Every real and imagined effort an insufferable effort. The pile of dishes a Mt. Everest. Even asking others to help you makes an echo chamber of your vocal chords. You look into a reflection of worthlessness and tears flow. You wouldn’t mind being dead. In fact, you think about how you’d do it.

The other extreme is a milder more common form of depression. She manages to tip our world spilling its color into a vague universe until there is only a November New England landscape. Little pleasures are little nothings. A sunset passes unnoticed. Several in fact. It all seems so boring purposeless. The idea of going to a friend’s for dinner or out to eat with your partner seems chorish. The laughter of a child elicits a frown. The glad hand of a friend evokes a listless “How ya doing?” You dig hard for laughter and an energetic smile. Sometimes by sheer will power your smile takes form like a drunk applying lipstick. Sweet solicitations into conversation or the ring of the cell phone become as irritating as a lone mosquito. But we get things done. We force them like rivers carving through rock. Our Creative Will and inspirational source seem as distant as your childhood fantasies of building castles in the sky and really believing we could do it. . The pile of dishes get resentfully washed. The cynical and skeptical are the capitals of our worldview. Going to bed is a relief if only we could sleep. In the end we get our to do list done with the sagging jowls of a Calvinist parting with a quarter. **

Sometimes this state of depression is “mild” enough that we actually accept it as being a permanent state of being. A reality we just have to learn to live with .

Joseph Campbell tells the story of going out to dinner.

He writes: “ Before I was married I used to eat out in the restaurants of town for my lunches and dinners. Thursday night was the maid’s night off in Bronxville, so that many of the families were out in restaurants.

One fine evening I was in my favorite restaurant there and at the next table there was a after and , mother, and a scrawny boy about twelve years old.
The father said to the boy, “Drink your tomato juice.” And the boy said, “I don’t want to.” Then the father in a louder voice said, “Drink your tomato juice.”
And the mother said , “Don’t make him do what he doesn’t want to do.”
The father looked at her and said, “ he can’t go through life doing what he wants to do. If he does only what he wants to do, he’ll be dead. Look at me, I’ve never done a thing I wanted to do in all my life.”

Now I have to say, that when I read this story chills went up and down my spine because at that moment I realized that this is the way many of us expect we should go through life. Accepting our depression like we might a low-grade fever.

Personally, my depressions are and occasionally return as situational or circumstantial. The death of a loved one. Divorce. A move. A failed project. Financial insecurity or crisis. A health issue. A falling out with a friend. A feeling that nothing is in my control and surrendering to the furious head -made stories of worst-case scenarios. . CNNN and FOX combined invading my living space like a torrent of acid rain. A loss of vision or a lost sense of mission. A day, a week a month flies by with me rushing from stone to stone and not being able to see anything finished, accomplished or progressed. As I look back, I can’t even see my footprints on the ground. On these days I can actually take out the garbage and see that I must have done something to create so many carbon fingerprints. In fact, I can say with a self-deprecating snicker as I place the garbage into its Waste Management can: “Job well done!” And any combination of at least two of the above at one time will usually send me into a mild depression. A place where I actually look forward to December 21, 2012 hoping the Mayans got it right.

For me one of the toughest things about depression is that when I feel disconnected from my Creative Will, I can be terrified that it will never return. I suspect it’s there because I’ve lost and found it before but maybe this time it’s gone for good. I can panic and try to find the quickest remedies. Formulas and how to guides to get rid of that horrible feeling that somehow I’m not worthy.

For example, those of us who’ve experienced writers block fear that the muse of our Creative Will has gone on permanent relocation. It’s easy to see how depression can become a Grand Canyon stretching between our depressed selves and Creative Will. In the depths of depression, we simply don’t believe that our Creative Will is still with us. I’m sure we all know people who make a lifestyle out of depression and so become very lonely, very disconnected people. But in truth our Creative Will is there, always there waiting for us to have a conversation with our depression and detach from that to which we cling with gripping fingernails.

In addition it ‘s my experience that no matter how sophisticated my theology, no matter how religious or spiritual I may be, no matter how much I try to convince myself to the contrary, I inevitably blame myself and God for my depression. I’m plagued by many questions. Why do I have to go through this at all? Given all my blessings why should I feel this way at all? How can I spend time with the counterproductive Doctor Gloom when I‘ve got so much to do?

Depression, therefore, can be a profoundly lonely experience, for I can feel cut-off from who I am at my best. Accordingly, in the midst of depression I will see the world in a very negative way. I look through those dark lenses of depression and I perceive my friends and even family as standoffish, aloof, cold, and distant. I become overly critical of everything and everyone. Mostly, myself. Having said that, I believe for myself and most of us that there is still a flicker of hope in our souls that tells us that in a universe of constant change and unpredictability, our Creative Will is alive and well. This depression will pass. And my Creative will once again reveal itself.

Another peculiar thing about depression is that for me I may willfully remain blind to it. Others close to me might notice, but when they try to tell me that I seem down and out or uncommonly unenthusiastic, I become irritated with myself and others. I may say something like “Time will heal, I’ll get over it”. True there is some wisdom to this. But it’s also important to realize that depression is not to be avoided, it is not an enemy of the Creative Will, it is to be invited into the boardroom with our other emotions and have its say, not the final say but a say.

What Causes Situational/Circumstantial Depression?

In my experience as a spiritual director, Peer counselor and life coach, depression is the process of detachment from people places, parts of self to which we would like to cling forever but over which we have no choice but to let go. Therefore, it is a healthy and vital part of healing the minor and major psychic wounds of our life. Depression actually can become part of the creative process. Depression can become part of the creative process if we work to become aware of those people, places, situations, stages of life to which we have to say “ Goodbye”. In truth, depression can actually provide us with the insight and spiritual fortitude to get back to an enriched place of Creative Will.

In short we must reject the notion that depression is an enemy of Creative Will. At a time when we feel as if moving from our bedroom to the bathroom is a task that statement may at least sound ironic if not ludicrous. However, without the offerings of depression we would not be able to move on at all.

There is no one cause of situational or circumstantial depression. Moreover, one situation that may be depressing to one person may be spiritually liberating to another, like divorce.

Most of us are familiar with the depression that has been identified as one of the stages of grief when we have lost someone we love. Or as we grow older and see more and more of our friends dying or parents going into nursing homes, depression becomes an altogether too familiar of an experience. For some of us depression may not be caused by the death of a loved one, but by the death of a relationship, divorce or separation.

Depression can be brought on by some sudden disability–a broken hip, the loss of sight or hearing or some other physical handicap. It can be brought on by male or female menopause. Still another common cause of depression is the loss of a job. Or even retirement no matter how well prepared we are.

One of the most common causes, I’ve run across is what could be called “learned helplessness” That is when we feel everything we try and do fails. “Nothing works out,” we say to ourselves “so why bother trying?” In these cases, I’ve found that the person was so caught up in the idea of what they thought was a success that they failed to see the incredible life lessons, unexpected outcomes that benefited both themselves and in many cases others.

No matter what the precipitating cause in my experience all circumstantial depression is characterized by a loss of connection with a sense of who we are. The person suffering from depression naturally feels a shift in identity when they have lost a loved one, lost a job, empty nested their children, or has discovered the first etch-a-sketch lines of age and grey wrinkling of their youthful appearance. How often have we heard someone say, “It feels as if a part of me has died, as if a whole part of my life has been broken off and drifted away?”

So how do we get back our Creative Will?

Depression Has Something To Teach Us

Like all of our feelings depression has something to teach us. If we were angry, wouldn’t we ask ourselves what are we angry about? Lonely? Exhausted? Fearful?

Now as I say there are many degrees of depression. But we all want to get to the end of it. We all want to get to the stage where we actually feel like we want to start living again and rebuilding our lives. We want to feel the joie d’vie of singing in the shower, laughing until it hurts, the excitement of meeting someone new or renewing an old acquaintance, of getting back to the works and days of our hands and minds as if we had wings on our souls and not dumb bells on our wings. In other words, rediscovering the expression or experience of our Creative Will.

Reuniting with our Creative Will may take time. My experience of depression has lasted anywhere from a month to a year. I’ve known others who have wrestled with their depression for a lifetime. In any case, the time it takes to get back to a place of Creative Will depends on a number of variables. Human beings are not machines, and our Creative Wills are not predictable mechanisms. Depression is like a mighty river; it runs its course and may or may not conform to established Army Corp of engineer berms.

I have to say, as much as I’ve studied theology, philosophy and psychology, I can not or would not offer someone suffering from depression some deep theological or psychological explanation or solution for why there is suffering and why they are suffering and what they can do about it. Frankly, I don’t think there’s anything I can write or say that theologically, philosophically or psychologically that would offer a solution to your particular depression.

But I can offer you my experience.

When I have had the courage and wherewithal to invite my depression for a cup of Joe, the first thing she shares with me is that she is not my enemy. She may not be my favorite guest but she is not here to destroy me or make my life miserable. She is here to help me heal. I take dubious comfort in this, but like an ice cream headache I know I need to go with her and stop fighting her. Through denial, drinking, exercise marathons, forced outings and activities, I’ve tried denying her presence and it doesn’t work.

So when I‘ve invited my depression to talk to me, she asked me seven inter-related questions.

1. The first question she asks me is: What are the people, places, expectations, dreams, perfectionist visions, unrealized and perhaps unrealizable potentials or things that you are clinging on to over which you have no power and to which you need to say “ Go with God?”

Now answering this question in my case, opened up a biographical checklist of broken expectations, failed projects, failed relationships, realization that I was not going to be the lead singer for the Rolling Stones. So for my most recent depression I had to focus on the last two years of losses and identity adjustments.

For example ….I had spent the last three years of my life working full time trying to start a state of the art holistic healing home for teenagers suffering from drug and alcohol addiction. It was a dream that had started five years earlier and it was on the verge of becoming a reality. For these past three years I had traveled near and far, written articles, met hundreds of people, invested a lot of dough, gave dozens of talks on the arrival of this innovative adolescent recovery home. A short time before the scheduled opening financing fell through and I was left homeless, jobless, near bankruptcy, sporting a bruised ego and a ravished reputation. Now in my head I knew it was over. But even though I knew it was over I clung onto it as if somehow it would magically resurrect itself. I believed if I lost it, my very identity would be lost. Rather then facing its loss, I pre-occupied myself with artwork and writing but in reality my days were drained of color. I couldn’t seem to get over it. I even entertained overtures from a prospective business partner who I knew to be unethical in his other business practices. So my ego clung to it. It took me six months of a non-communicative partner, a verbal SLAP in the face from my girlfriend who reminded me quite sternly it was over, and a foreclosure notice two days before the sheriff showed up to wake from my shock and even begin to think about moving on.

What I discovered was that there were five things to which I had to say goodbye.

a. Good intent doesn’t always equal good outcomes. Not that good intent isn’t always important. It is. It is essential. But it doesn’t always translate into quality action and projected outcomes. In other words bad things happen to people with good dreams.
b. It may not have been my idea to carry out. I had to really believe that if my dream had real value, it would also have real longevity and if I didn’t do it someone else would and the need I had identified would be served even if I was not doing the serving.
c. I had to say goodbye to a trusted friend. For various reasons I felt my trust had been betrayed. I did not want to believe my friend and business partner had acted unethically.
d. My ego attachment to the project. The project was not me and I was not it. Its failure did not reflect my essential qualities as a person. Yet I saw its failure as somehow a failure of my character and values. In addition my ego feared what others would think of me. I had to really decide that it was none of my business what others thought of me. All I had to be sure of is that I had acted as honorably and within integrity.
e. Financial security. The project has provided me a modicum of income and a roof over my head. Now I had no source of income or no promises for income to come. (See Harper Article on “ Faith On The Unemployment Line.” )

2. The second question asked was: How can you honor that which you mourn the loss of?

In my ministry, I always asked the family of someone who died to spend a lot of time with me sharing the shadow as well as the light stories of their loved one. In writing my eulogies, I would always discern a theme for the life of that person. And using the stories and anecdotes the family shared I would constrict a eulogy a story of that person’s life. We would choose the music as well as the scripture readings it was a way to begin the healing process by honoring the person who had died. In Shakespeare’ s words we would: “Give Sorrow Words”.

In the case of my project, six months after it’s demise, I found myself in a place where I could write a meaningful reflection on its life and what it meant to me warts and all. It took the form of a letter to my business partner but it was really for me. A mirror to help me take an inventory of all that I had learned about myself, my relationship to others, my mistakes and what I would do differently. While this was meant to be a letter of closure, it transformed my self-image as a failure to someone who learned from his failed experience.

3. The third question: What small, that is doable, steps, can you do to truly begin the active motion of moving on?

This is a critical and most abused step. In depression we tend to remember back to the time when w could have a laundry list as long as the Lincoln Tunnel and get ‘er all done. The biggest mistake we make is to fall back on the old cliché of pulling ourselves up by our boot straps, placing a determined wrinkle in our eye and then create a Jackson Pollack of a laundry list that commixes important things with urgent things with mundane chores. Of course, this sets us up for failure. And the cycle of “ I can’t get anything done depression begins again. As feeble as it might sound I started out with a list of 3-4 things to do during a day: 1. One thing that generates income or plants the seed for income, 2. Something I take pleasure in 3. Some chore for the family 4. Something that has a tangible result. These may not be mutually exclusive but the point is making your list short. Depending on your level of depression it can even be shorter. It may be as simple as 1. Take a shower, 2. Wash the dishes, 3. Take a walk.

Too many of my clients make lists that can’t possibly get done and end up exacerbating their depression. On the other hand, people are prone NOT to give themselves credit for what they do get done saying, “ Yea I went to work, took a walk, grocery shopped for the family and wrote in my journal but big deal I should be able to do that in an hour.” Remember it is not just what you’re doing on the outside. You are doing a lot of unconscious and conscious healing work on the inside. As you heal you will be able to add to your to do list. In addition, if you have children like I do, your to do list no matter how modest can become the laughing stock of interruptions.

4. The fourth question: Of the things you have not lost what do you give thanks for?

There are days when I don’t feel like I have a damn thing to give thanks for one way or another. Then I lie down on my bed and rewind my day and desperately try and sift through the details. It’s remarkable what I can come up with, Today is June 1, 2010, 9:45 PM. I am 30 days away from having a zero bank account balance and bills of $5-8000 to pay. And I just got news that a painting I had hoped to sell will not be bought. But I’ve been blessed with the time to write. I spoke with a young barrister at the coffee shop I frequent. He knows me for my latte choice but not by name. Nevertheless he shared that he had been arrested the night before on a DUI. I told him I was a recovering drunk. He asked for some advice. I gave him some. It felt good to share my experience and hope. As I wrote this paragraph there are three of my girl-friend’s children and two of their friends outside jumping on the trampoline with screams of pleasure. It is music to me. I didn’t ’
drink today, an accomplishment for a drunk like me. I looked toward other opportunities I have for making rent next month. There was a welcome spit of rain in this dry desert that gave a tropical softness to the air. I spoke with someone I love. I have a roof over my head and my belly’s full. I’ve got Ben and Jerry’s Phish Food in the freezer. Need I say more?

5. The fifth question: Do you pray? Do you know the difference between what you cannot change and what you can change and if you do are you willing to let go of what you cannot change?

You’re probably familiar with the Serenity prayer ad nausea. But no one can deny its wisdom and practicality. It’s simple yet incredibly hard to practice. “ God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.” The things we can change and cannot change will vary according to our level of depression. I mean don’t expect to turn over your dishes to God and have them  clean in the morning but there may be troubled relationships, business opportunities, or an opportunity to move to a new place that you just may have to turn over to God for the moment. In fact, before creating your to do list for the day you might want to start with the serenity prayer.

6. The sixth question: What are your pleasures in life? Love? Good food? Singing? Painting? writing? Traveling to new places? A deep massage? Getting together with friends? Gardening? Hot baths? Reading? Watch TV? Hikes? An afternoon in the sun? Acts of faith and charity? Smoking a cigar? Working on a hobby?

In the Jewish tradition it is believed that after death the first question you are asked is: “Did you enjoy the greatest pleasures of life?” Meaning as a human being with seven senses, air to breath, earth to grow food, wind to cool and fire to warm, and a desire to be in harmonic communion with other human beings did you actually take the time to stop and enjoy the fruits of creation and spirit and the gifts of your earth bound vessel?

For me, a book on CD while in a warm sea salted scented bath is a great end of the day pleasure. An intellectually challenging discussion. Painting in my studio. Hiking or bike riding. Listening to Diane Reams. A cigarette after a long meal. Making love and snuggling. Lying in the sun. Giving and getting a good massage. Among other things these are things that give me pleasure.

One day of my depression I took a day off and made an agenda of as many things as I could do to that bring me pleasure in that single day. It was good day.

7. The seventh question and perhaps related to question number six: How do you take care of yourself? In a single day what do you do to take care of yourself?

Depending on your nature and circumstances there will be different answers to this question. Parents have a particularly hard time with this one. Rarely can we find the opportunity to put our needs first when our children are under foot. But taking care of yourself , even if it has to be scheduled is essential.

For me if I get some exercise and at least an hour of uninterrupted alone time
(Not at the end of the day when I’m ready to sleep) but fully alive conscious alone time. This time can be used for silence, prayer, meditation, napping (a form of prayer) writing, reading or simply futzing. I’m a generator, a materialist. I have to do 2-3 small things a day that I can see for myself whether it’s making the bed or painting a picture or writing a story. I have to exercise everyday. I have to take my vitamins. I have to read ten pages or listen to ten minutes of a book on CD or watch something educational.

More importantly there were some things I had to choose NOT to do to take care of myself. I’m a people pleaser so one thing I had to do was learn to say “No” to requests that evoked within me a “maybe I will” or “no “ response. If I was in a situation that was making me uncomfortable or confrontational I would leave. I had to turn off my news addiction. I did not hang out with people who drained me of energy.

Conclusion

I believe mild depression, makes us whether we want to or not to stop look, listen and let go. It is our spirit telling us that before I let you move on to bigger and better things you have some clean-up work to do. It’s a like a drunk hitting bottom. “Do you  want to live? Okay. Well first you have some work to do. Stop drinking.”

In self help groups they have what are called the 12 steps. These are steps you’re supposed to do to help you get to a place of being “happy joyous and free.” Indeed these steps can be very useful helping to get a drunk or an addict on the road to sobriety and a life that is “happy, joyous and free.” In reality, I believe they’re really designed to give us something to do while we’re waiting for grace to happen.

The same is true for the journey back to the Creative Will from depression. If nothing else what I’ve suggested above gave me something to do wile that omnipresent spirit that is in everything everywhere did the hard lifting of getting me back to the hills and valleys of Creative Will , where yesterday is a smile of a memory and today is a sun kiss, and tomorrow promises to be a day of birds in flight and you’re one of them.

* Footnote #1 * People Who Have It All, Get Depressed too.

It is true that the number one cause of depression is financial insecurity and it is also true that the majority of suicides take place among people in the lower to middle economic classes. Nevertheless, depression crosses al social, ethnic, economic and racial lines because we all at sometime in our lives have to detach from something or someone from which we would not leave of our own free will.

There are those of us who have many blessings in life; financial security, loving spouses, all the advantages of a upper-middle/middle class upbringing, healthy children, good parents, prospects for a future or at least two or three of the above. Even with such an abundance of blessings depression can knock on our door.

In fact I believe for people like us, depression can be even more difficult to accept and therefore can linger longer. We look around us and know we have much for which to be grateful. We can beat ourselves up for feeling “depressed” Ironically; we do allow ourselves to have every other emotion with the sole exception of depression. In fact, I’ve found that those of us who “have it all”, can be far more prone to depression. It’s like we say to ourselves, “With all the pain and misery in the world, with my friend Jack facing bankruptcy and divorce what do I have to complain about?”

Some of us in our cornucopia of comforts may not allow ourselves to admit depression because we know others are unlikely to “feel our pain”. When I’ve told the story of a man I know about who had e $10,000,000 in assets, lost $5,000,000, and became so overwhelmed by his loss and depression he committed suicide, I get a roll of the eyes “
isn’t he a silly man” response. Rarely are there tears of sympathy. For him his loss was a real sense of failure. A real depression. Unfortunately, he didn’t feel entitled to the feelings of depression. Worse he felt he couldn’t talk to anyone but his broker and expect tea and sympathy.

Successful executives and celebrities have shared with me the sense that at the end of the day all the works and days of their minds have amounted to three meetings, a pleasant lunch, and a ride home in their limousine to a family who they feel like strangers. They feel as if their life is slipping through their hands like fog. Entrapped like replicants by their own limited definition of success and fulfillment, schedules and expectations of others, they find themselves feeling as if they no longer have the power to choose…the momentum of their life controlling everything from their necktie to their choice of car to their values. They live in fear they will be discovered for who they really think they are: “frauds”. That they feel they do not deserve all that they have earned through their very real talent, skill, hard work, and let’s face it, luck. In other words, we live in fear that if you take away or we lose all the propos and status symbols and social connections that we will be as empty as an urn.

Successful people not only closely identify themselves with their social and economic status they suspect others do as well. So when we lose it or give it up or retire from it, our entire sense of self can be lost in the forest. Some of my clients gave shared with me that the happiest times of their lives was when they were first getting started wondering where the next pay check was going to come from. They say that in those days they could labor under the illusion, that the answer to our problems, to our fears and despair is financial and social success, “Once we have these,” they said to themselves, “ all of our problems will be solved.” So we labor under the Willy Loman illusion that we just have to make the next step. The next big deal and we’re home free. Hopeful that we just have to make that next step, that next deal we fill our souls and time reaching for the upper crust of the gold life. Living on the edge, we’re acutely aware of what the next thing we have to do is. Mostly at that stage there is nothing to lose so there is nothing to fear,

In any case, Depression does not care if you have it all or nothing at all. And those who have it all need to be particularly aware they are susceptible to ignoring their depression.

** Footnote #2 Deep depression can be life threatening. It is also true that it can be due to a chemical imbalance, which can be corrected or at least compensated for by pharmaceuticals; talk therapy or a combination of the two. For those of us who suffer from this kind of depression we should not be afraid to explore the incredible progress that has been made to treat those of us who suffer from physical or neurological caused depression. Even when we guess that our depression may be situational we should seek a psychiatrist who doesn’t use pharmaceuticals as a knee jerk reaction to depression. Hard to find but they’re out there. In addition just because you may need some pharmaceutical help now, does not mean a lifetime sentence of scripts. For example, when I was suffering from post-traumatic-stress-syndrome, I was prescribed a mild anti- anxiety drug that helped me process and learn from my trauma. Before being prescribed the medication, my level of anxiety would be so physically uncomfortable that I would drink and drink heavily to numb the dis-ease. Of course, I wasn’t learning or processing anything about my particular trauma. In any case, combined with weekly one-on-one psychiatric sessions, with a posttraumatic stress syndrome specialist, I was able to leave my prescription behind after six months. The same is true for depression. Sometimes we need temporary chemical compensation to process feelings that can for the moment be to powerful to process without some extra help.