- Harley McGuire, SedonaEye.com star columnist
Sedona AZ (November 28, 2011)-The first time I wrote an article (just a little over one year ago) it was with the intent to acquire new two and four legged friends of course, but mostly as a source whereby my newfound readers and pals could contact me, ask questions, and together we could find answers.
Well, at the moment I need to prevail upon you, my buddies, to help me. If any of you were left alone on Thanksgiving Day, how did you deal with it?
It should have been a clue when first thing in the morning Mother dressed up like Nanook of the North and took me for walk. I obliged her by doing my “thing” at least twice and all the time I was loving the cold air and exercise but not necessarily the burrs and other garbage my fine fur and toe pads were accumulating.
Of course, that early morning treat turned out to be what I should have suspected: “The Bribe”!
As the day progressed I saw “her” getting ready to go out and just by the way she looked at me I knew it was a stay-at-home day for me and not the turkey breast roasting in the oven that actually occurs quite frequently around here because we both love turkey . . . the aroma as it’s roasting and the taste after it’s done. Yummy!
However, when the time came, early afternoon, and she nonchalantly told me I was to stay here and take care of the house, I was not a happy puppy. Even crawling on my belly and looking woeful did not penetrate that cold, cold heart. A mean, mean lady she was . . . also know as “Mommy Dearest.”
She didn’t weaken as she left the house. All she did was attempt to console me by saying: “I will be home between 5:00 and 5:30 in time to fix your dinner. Be a good boy.” And off she went!
Well, five and five-thirty came and no “Mommy Dearest” was in sight. To make matters worse, she didn’t leave on many lights and my doggie door was blocked because of that big bobcat that hangs around the neighborhood.
Finally shortly after 6:30 she showed up with a small plastic box which contained something that resembled pieces of chewed up turkey. Gross it was to look at – but actually it didn’t taste all that bad.
When Mommy Dearest went to open up the doggie door, she didn’t even begin cursing violently when she promptly stepped in the small pile of doggie-doo that out of spite I managed to crank out. It served her right for leaving me all alone on Thanksgiving Day!
No indeed, she commenced to clean up her shoe as she quickly prepared my all too late dinner with the unsightly scraps from the environment-destructive plastic box.
I ate it all up without complaining because I knew by then Mommy Dearest was well aware of my dismay and she, herself, was feeling pretty crappy. So, in a way, my mission had successfully been accomplished insofar as turning her day away from me into a guilt trip!
However, valued pals, friends, and readers, I would be most appreciative to hear from those of you who also felt abused and neglected because you were left home alone on Thanksgiving Day. How about it?
Lovingly,
Harley McGuire
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A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead.
He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them.
After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble… At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight.
When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side. When he was close enough, he called out, ‘Excuse me, where are we?’
‘This is Heaven, sir,’ the man answered.. ‘Wow! Would you happen to have some water?’ the man asked.
Of course, sir. Come right in, and I’ll have some ice water brought right up. ‘The man gestured, and the gate began to open.
‘Can my friend,’ gesturing toward his dog, ‘come in, too?’ the traveler asked.
‘I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t accept pets.’
The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog.
After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence.
As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book.
‘Excuse me!’ he called to the man. ‘Do you have any water?’
‘Yeah, sure, there’s a pump over there, come on in.’
‘How about my friend here?’ the traveler gestured to the dog.
‘There should be a bowl by the pump.’
They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it.
The traveler filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog.
When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree.
‘What do you call this place?’ the traveler asked.
‘This is Heaven,’ he answered.
‘Well, that’s confusing,’ the traveler said. ‘The man down the road said that was Heaven, too.’
‘Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That’s hell.’
‘Doesn’t it make you mad for them to use your name like that?’
‘No, we’re just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind.’
This one’s for you Harley. Your pal, Cole Robertson (PS: I like it when my family leaves me alone. I crawl up on the family room couch, stretch out, snuggle in and sleep like a baby…a big NO NO in our house. No one ever catches me because I’m a light sleeper and they make LOTS of noise when they come through the front door! Try it and you’ll see that sleeping on the beds and couches when the family leaves you behind is worth it! Be sure to keep my secret about napping on the beds and furniture okay? It’s a “need to know” kind of thing the “two legs” don’t have to hear.)
Clyde was being his normal self, bossing me around, but I could see that since Dad was buying a turkey & all the other trimmings, I figured out that he & mommy must be having Thanksgiving at home for the very 1st time.
They didn’t have any guests as they just returned from Hawaii & our grandparents were still there. Also, mom & dad’s Gerber family were all up in San Francisco & since mom & dad just abandoned us for 11 days, they couldn’t abandon us again and go up north.
So they freaked us out as they vacuumed the house (we hid under the bed), but don’t know why they bothered since no one came, but I think they were waiting for some late night visitors to come by for a nightcap. All in all, it was the best Turkey day ever since we had our parents w/us & our little family (Ohana) was all together.
Sincerely, Bonnie (and Clyde)
Dear Harley,
We have met your Mommy and we like her – so that means we like you. While we were not left alone – we were religated to “outside” as our Mommy and her kids cooked all day and never offered us a treat. Oh, don’t get us wrong, she did feed us breakfast and finally dinner….we just didn’t get any of what they enjoyed…it smelled really great and we kept waiting.
We did have her Grandkids to play with and were happy to bark hello at all who kept coming and going…gosh, we even barked at the horses who came for the big weekend. If it makes you feel any better – the horses didn’t get any treats either. Like us they got breakfast and dinner and pats on the heads.
You should feel lucky your Mom took you for a walk cuz that shows she loves you. We had to just deal with being outside all day and half the night till they were finished eating the big dinner. Oh, Harley, when we were allowed to come back into the house – they did not even leave any scraps or drops on the floor! We were happy to be back in the warm house and the horses got their blankets put on them so they were warm too. (Harley, you now have 3 horse friends named Troubles, MJ, and Hudini)
You have a bobcat too? We have one in our neighborhood who really chewed on our cousin Hanna who lives down the road…so be careful. Hanna got lots of stiches and is gonna be OK.
Guess the bottom line is our Moms don’t always do what we want them to do – and we love them anyhow….and we don’t always do what our Moms want and they love us anyhow….I’m thinking our Moms are the luckest….yet we Know how lucky we are – all that love makes the world go round.
Dear Harley,
Oh dear you, poor boy. You really got homed alone, didn’t you? Feel deeply sorry for you. I was left alone for only 2.5 hours on Thanksgiving. I guess I consider myself lucky. I was completely alone, none of her friends hung around, she was gone from noon to 2:30. When she came back she gave me a nice raw ground turkey (I eat it everyday for last 5 years of my life). No scraps for me, all is fresh and organic. Thanksgiving every day of my life, my friend, even on X-mas. She told me she loved some pumpkin pie the most but then she quickly added that nothing can beat some black cats and she kissed my forehead. I love when she does it and make this sound that drives her crazy for me. Harley McGuire, you better watch out for that bobcat in your area. When I lived in there, there were two of them, and we were told the animal police kept their eye on them.
As for how to handle the future holiday disappearance of your mommy, my advice is : play sick. Lay on your back and howl loud. Guarantee it will work.
Your pal Blacky
Sorry Harley – we were right there with you. Mom left about 11:30 a.m. and then we thought she was back at 1:00 p.m. but she had forgotten the punkin pies and her friend rescured them. She finally got home at 7:30 p.m. So….
Dale leaves mom little gifts like that all the time. She hasn’t stepped on any yet.
So put on the big dog panties and adapt like a cat, we don’t get table food, so you were very lucky.
When mom has to go she has to go! Take a nap she’ll be back!
Love C&D
I know you were not very happy about being left alone on Thanksgiving day, but I’ll tell you I was alone for about 4 hours so I had time to sleep and keep and ear open in case those javelina came into my yard. Mom says that I go “CRAZY” when I see them, but I just want to make them go away because they are kinda narley looking and they keep eating the seed on the ground that Mom puts out for the birds and squirrels. Maybe next year you and I can hang together and we can play and chase the javelina. They will sure be surprised if they see the 2 of us “ON GUARD”. I didn’t get any leftovers, but Mom took me for a nice walk when she got home and I was hungry after lolling around all day, so she fed me a good portion and we cuddled on the couch the way we like to do, We dogs are lucky to have nice Mommies who take such good care of us even if they can’t take us with them all the time. I know your Mom would if she could cuz you are he “life” and she does her “best”.
Here’s what my darling unhinged-jaw precious boy neglected to tell you.
The dinner “Mommy Dearest” had out was lousy. Well, maybe not if what appeared to be pressed and processed road kill was served as turkey. The mashed potatoes no doubt would have been put to better use as wallpaper paste; what was called “gravy” was of questionable color and consistency; string beans more like overcooked spaghetti; “stuffing” was appropriately named; and the gosh-awful squished yams (not sweet potatoes) which I hate anyway were, as has become the procedure, all gooey with marshmallows. The upside, besides the company of my three companions, was the salad and “Mud Pie” for dessert.
What was especially funny was that at the time not one of the four us made a complaint. We were all being polite and maintaining the dutiful attitude of this celebratory event as being “Thankful” on Thanksgiving Day. It wasn’t until the following couple of days via phone conversations that we communicated our true feelings about the meal. And, just for the record, this restaurant was not in Sedona.
And so, the moral of my story is, it remains my suspicion that my angel, Harley McGuire, is possessed with magical powers that enabled him to inflict negative energy on the chef as he prepared the dinner. It would be interesting to know if the other dining patrons also had the same experience.
Lovingly,
Mommy Dearest
Good one Harley. High Paws on the Squeeze Job! Thanksgiving is okay in our house because lots of leftovers go missing and no one notices that it’s me eating them. Christmas makes me want to hide because on Christmas Eve my family gets dressed up in antlers and red sweaters and then they put antlers and a red sweater on me! My pals out on the street howl with laughter. It’s embarrassing. The Cat though has to wear a red bell halter for a week and he refuses to come out from under the bed until New Years day when it comes off. He told me once (after drinking too much eggnog from the punch bowl) that his girlfriend refused to date him ever again after she stopped by unexpectedly over the holidays and saw his halter and bell get up – she thought he had issues.
Comforters, bedding and blankets may be donated to Red Rose Inspiration for Animals for rescued and ailing dogs. Call Tina at Red Rose Inspiration for Animals at (928) 451-2383 or Michelle at Sedona Paint Center on (928) 203-9500. You can drop off items at the Sedona Paint Center, 2081 W. SR 89A, Ste. 6, in the Harkins Theatre Plaza. Tell them Harley McGuire, SedonaEye.com Star Columnist, sent you over to help out his four legged furry pals.
Harley Gray,
Sorry to hear you got left home on Thanksgiving. I on the other hand enjoyed 9 days with my family camping and being spoiled. Mom made a complete turkey dinner with all the fixings and camp smelled so good while the turkey was cooking on the spit. Dad and my big brother went out and found lots of wood so we could enjoy a nice warm fire after dinner, too bad there wasn’t a fire to warm up to after playing ball in the water and splashing around with my sister, but it was still fun. While dad and my brother were gone my big sister and mom prepared everything for our feast after spending some quality time with me. I get the pleasure of spending every thanksgiving this way since mom and dad adopted me 7 yrs ago. I even get to snuggle up with my brother and sister in the tent instead of getting stuck with mom and dad in the camper. We tell ghost stories and stay up late having fun.
I so love the holidays and for that matter anytime I get to have the undevided attention of my family for a few days without all the electronics to take attention away from me.