Jim Franckowiak, author of "Hollywood Jim: Thank My Past For My Future"
Hello People! As you may know, my first book is published and in my hot little hands this week.
My excitement wasn’t long lived after I began to read the first few pages of my autobiography, and quickly realized that I had forgotten everything I had written. Every grammatical and punctuation mistake overlooked in the final revision is printed verbatim! But writer’s angst aside, let me go back in time to fill in the blanks:
Ten years ago, I left New York in search of meaning in my life and in the ten years since then, much has happened to me. I began to keep a diary of sorts in the last couple of years, and thought that one day it would be published. Be careful for what you ask because you just may get it, and I did!
I worked in a business that I never knew existed growing up, and the search for meaning took a backseat. I recorded every little detail including the people that came across my path. I was used and abused so to speak, and I was mad.
Sure, I changed names in the book but those who knew me then will certainly recognize themselves now. I recorded every dark thought that I ever had, the ones we occasionally have but never share with anyone.
There in black and white, available for the whole world to read are the names of the people that I judged and now who will judge me. I even wrote things about a close friend that aren’t so kind and never in a million years would I want to hurt her, but there it is…my judgement of her. The thought of her one day reading my book makes me ill.
There is no going back.
The book has made me question who I am as a human being and I realized that sometimes I’m not a nice person. Does the bad outweigh the good? Does thinking unkind thoughts about others make you a bad person?
I had to remember that I wasn’t in a good place when I first put thought to keystroke, but the last keystroke in the book was only made several months ago. I haven’t changed that much for god’s sake! My problem is that I push for things when I should wait; I question peoples motives when they don’t fit into my ideal, and I regret every judgement made about another human being.
Does this realization make me a better person? Hell no! I would never kick a dog or hurt a child, and I would never intentionally hurt another’s feelings. At least, not now. Part of being an intelligent person is learning from our mistakes and moving forward. I am limping but moving forward.
Regrets? I have several but the damage is done. The dilemma I have now is do I market the book and let the cards fall where they may, or do I pretend this whole thing was a dream sequence like Bobby in Dallas?
Well, the truth is that I cannot hide it, but I can say that every thing that has happened to me since the day my mother hit me with the licking spoon has made me who I am today…good or bad. I own it! I will wait and see what happens concerning the book, but I won’t push.
The lesson here for me and maybe for you is that we all make mistakes and unknowingly hurt other people in the process, but we can move forward and face the criticism head on! Go ahead, book me, I can take it!
ST.com Editor’s note: Writer Jim Franckowiak was born in Buffalo NY in 1963. Mr. Franckowiak has been a contributing writer for several publications including the ST.com column “The Gripe Guy” and has hosted his own radio talk show on Clear Channel in Denver, Colorado. Mr. Franckowiak currently resides in Sedona, Arizona. Signed copies of “Hollywood Jim:Thank My Past For My Future” paperback are available for $25 each plus free shipping & handling at HollywoodJimAdvice@Yahoo.com.
