Can’t stop laughing. WOOF, ARF, MEOW, AND BOW-WOW! So true the message.

Mom’s has a sign over our front door, up above the one that says “Martha Stewart Doesn’t Live Here.”

“THE MORE PEOPLE I MEET, THE MORE I LIKE MY DOG.” (that needs to changed to dogS)

Lovingly,

Harley McGuire
(Poco D. too but he’s still just learnin’ the ropes)

Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes on the floor with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate does not mean that is is suddenly your food, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the top of the stairs is not the object. Tripping me doesn’t help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It Is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space that you are taking up, is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years – canine/feline attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat’s butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:

TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:

(1) They live here. You don’t.

(2) If you don’t want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That’s why they call it ‘fur’-niture.

(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don’t speak clearly.

Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

(1) eat less,

(2) don’t ask for money all the time,

(3) are easier to train,

(4) normally come when called,

(5) never ask to drive the car,

(6) don’t hang out with drug-using people;

(7) don’t smoke or drink,

(8) don’t want to wear your clothes,

(9) don’t have to buy the latest fashions,

(10) don’t need a gazillion dollars for college and

(11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children….

And Chip, thanks for your 2 cents worth. Mom told us about the loss of your companion, Dale, and we are sad for you. Maybe time for a new friend??

Lovingly,
H. & P.D. McGuire

Happy 4th of July from your old pal here. Sure do hope there won’t be any scary noisy fireworks where you live. And just keep that ThunderShirt handy and Poco’s little paw to comfort you. Neato! Way to go, Bro.

Buster

To bof ya, things are goin’ smoothly. That little dickens PDM is sorta growin’ on me but Mom don’t need to know that. Fer instance, when it thundered and got so shaky, well, with PDM I didn’t feel quite so nervous and sorta faked it. But when Mom put on my Thundershirt, that little feller actually put his little paw on my back – as if to comfort me. So ya see, it’s really an OK thing. And fer shore I’m still number uno. At least that’s what Mom keeps tellin’ me.

Hey, Sobe, remember when we met at the Dog’s Day outing a few years ago? Well, every so often my publisher features a picture of us, that’s before you lost your pal, but it’s good to know you now have another. Well, that event’s comin’ up again soon. In fact, July 16th is the date – check out the official notice someplace or other close by on this – what’s it called? – oh yea, site I think. Doubt we’ll be there cuz Ma may not be able to handle the two of us out in public and besides she hates the traffic! Like that other lady says – horrid!

Lovingly,
Harley McGuire