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Loving Yourself on Valentine’s Day…

Sedona, AZ — What do you want? What do you really want? Do you dare answer that question, even silently to yourself?
I know I was unable to ask myself what I really wanted, never mind answer it, for many years. I believed that it was more spiritual not to have any desires, so I didn’t, or at least I didn’t admit them to myself. So, one afternoon when I was in a group meditation
where I worked at the Chopra Center in San Diego, Dr. Deepak Chopra led the meditation and suggested that each one of us silently ask ourselves, “What do I want?” I reluctantly asked the question. I heard nothing. What did I want? Was it spiritual to want anything? Wasn’t it selfish? I certainly hadn’t asked myself that question seriously before, and I had no idea what the answer was. His directions were to ask, then listen. So, I did.

After the meditation was over, I asked Dr. Chopra why we shouldn’t try to get rid of our desires, or ignore them…. and he said, in a nutshell, that we all have desires; they are part of the software of our soul. Our soul’s software is comprised of desires which lead to actions, actions, which lead to memories, and the memories leads us again to desires.  

Sometimes, he told me, in order to experience expanded states of consciousness, we have to acknowledge our desires – and put our attention on our intention. Desires were the way that the intelligence of the universe expresses itself, communicated, and unfulfilled desires could keep us from being at peace, and ultimately, from living our full potential.  He writes about this in his best-selling book, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success.

I had been spending my weekends at a Zen Buddhist training center and was under the  impression (wrongly) that suffering was caused by desires. So basically, I had a hard time being okay with having desires. I didn’t think it was spiritual. And I must’ve wanted to be spiritual for sure, though I probably wouldn’t admit it.

I later discovered that what the Buddha said was that it is the attachment to the desires that caused suffering, not the desires themselves. That seemed more reasonable. How could we not want anything anyway, like a parking space, or a clean car, or a loving relationship, or a safe environment? Desires were inherent in our software. We all have them.

So I decided that I would ask and listen and love myself that way. After all, don’t we all want to give our friends, family members and loved ones what they want? I thought I’d better figure out what I wanted, just in case.

I continued to ask myself the question again and again. What did I want? And as my friend and mentor Byron Katie, author of Loving What Is, later told me, the answer will always meet the question: when we ask a question, we will inevitably hear a response.  And soon, I did.

Throughout the next few weeks and months, I started hearing my desires, as thoughts in my head.  I heard the internal whispers during weekend meditation retreats at the Zen center, I heard them in the early morning when I was just waking up, and sometimes I heard them as I walked along the beach. I was bothered by them, embarrassed by them; I truly thought I was fantasizing too much.

The desires came like waves, I could hear that I desired to live in a home near the wilderness, I desired to meditate and to teach others to meditate, I desired to be financially supported doing what I loved, and I desired a loving relationship with someone who understood my beliefs and values. I was truly unattached to my desires because I actually thought they were ridiculous.

That was 1998.  Five years later, I found myself teaching meditation, here in Sedona. Not only was I doing what I loved, I was completely supported, married to a what I only can call my perfect partner, a sweet and funny man who meditates (one of his priorities in life is to meditate for hours every day), and living adjacent to the wilderness area in Sedona, in a beautiful house (I never asked for that, but it is nice).

I now understand this spiritual law of intention and desire:  inherent in the desire itself is the mechanics or intelligence needed to manifest it.  It is the same principle found in nature; take for example a pinion tree. Every bit of intelligence needed to grow a pinion tree is inherent in the seed. The universe is made up of energy and information. We simply need to put our attention (energy) on our intention (information).  

How does this law of intention and desire really work? The desires are not there by accident or randomly. Each one of us must acknowledge our own desire or desires, and detach from how they manifest or the timeline in which they do so.  The trick is not to be attached to the desire, and not to try to control the outcome. As Deepak says, “Let the universe handle the details.” And love the moment we are in, so we don’t miss our lives.

When I talk about desires with my husband, another wise one, he says, “The universe will keep fulfilling your desires so you get what you want, and then, there is a shift, when you actually want what you get, no matter what. You realize everything is for your evolution.” I believe him.

Sarah McLean is a meditation teacher and the director of the Sedona Meditation Training Company. She can be reached at http://www.sedonameditation.com/. (928) 204-0067.

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